Sweeney Todd finds Technology
by Novacaine Child
Summary: Sweeney and Crew find themselves in an online chatroom. For humour's sake only, I know it's obviously not realistic. Rated T for sexiness! R&R!


**Hey sweeties. It's been done before I know but I wanted a go! Sweeney Todd in a chatroom. Am thinking of doing a FaceBook home page and possibly msn convos if this is liked so let me know what you think! R&R loves! Rated T for mature themes etc and sexualish references. IT'S NOT FOR KIDS!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sweeney Todd, any related characters. I do own the chatroom. Yay me. So creative.**

**Sweeney_Slits has entered the chatroom.**

Sweeney_Slits: Sup all.

Sweeney_Slits: Orange? When did I set my font colour as orange?? Not angsty enough. Gotta fix it.

Sweeney_Slits: Better. Dried blood.

Sweeney_Slits: …

Sweeney_Slits: isn't anyone here? This chatroom is lame! As if it's not bad enough that my wife's dead and my daughter's gone. Now I'm in an empty chatroom with no-one to talk to. ANGST!

**Sweeney'sGirl has entered the chatroom.**

Sweeney'sGirl: Ooh, Mr T! You're here!

**Sweeney_Slits has left the chatroom.**

Sweeney'sGirl: Aw :(

**TobiLovesTitties has entered the chatroom.**

TobiLovesTitties: Heyyy! Hot girls hit 123 for sexy chat! I'm 20, a millionaire and my knob is 9 inches. No webcam available though, unfortunately L

Sweeney'sGirl: TOBI! IS THAT YOU?!?!?!

TobiLovesTitties: No… Ma'am…

Sweeney'sGirl: Get to bed now, you little perv! I'm gonna cut your willy off tomorrow!

TobiLovesTitties: Yes, Ma'am… Goodnight L

**TobiLovesTitties has left the chatroom.**

**Sexxxy_Turpin has entered the chatroom.**

Sexxxy_Turpin: Hellllooooo!

Sexxxy_Turpin: Nobody here?

Sweeney'sGirl: I am, but I don't wanna talk to you.

Sexxxy_Turpin: But I'm so hot!

Sweeney'sGirl: Not really. Not at all, in fact.

Sexxxy_Turpin: Aww! Well. Beadle thinks so. So ha!

Sweeney'sGirl: …Score.

**BITCHIN_BEADLE has entered the chatroom.**

BITCHIN_BEADLE: My LORD! You're HERE!

Sexxxy_Turpin: Indeed! Tell Mrs Lovett how much hotter I am than Mr Todd.

BITCHIN_BEADLE: Sooooo much hotter! Like yum! Like I just wanna have cybersex with you here and now!

**Sexxxy_Turpin has invited BITCHIN_BEADLE to have a private conversation.**

BITCHIN_BEADLE: OOH! :P Later, losers! X

**BITCHIN_BEADLE has accepted Sexxxy_Turpin's invitation to have a private conversation.**

**LoonyLucy has entered the chatroom.**

LoonyLucy: Has TobiLovesTitties been in today?

Sweeney'sGirl: He's an eleven year old boy, Lucy!

LoonyLucy: I know. Has he been in?

Sweeney'sGirl: No.

LoonyLucy: Damnit. If you see him, let him know I was looking for him please?

Sweeney'sGirl: …ok

LoonyLucy: Badeedledeeeeeee. Goodnight all!!!

**LoonyLucy has left the chatroom.**

**Sweeney_Slits has entered the chatroom.**

Sweeney_Slits: Mrs Lovett? Are you still here?

Sweeney'sGirl: Yeah, Love, it's me!

Sweeney_Slits: Damnittttttttt.

Sweeney'sGirl: Oh. L.

Sweeney_Slits: Mrs Lovett, why is your name "Sweeney'sGirl"???

"**Sweeney'sGirl" has changed their screen name. "Sweeney'sGirl"'s new name is "GinIsTheAnswer".**

GinIsTheAnswer: It isn't.

Sweeney_Slits: But… gah. Whatever. Why are you talking to me here? You're downstairs! You might as well come up if you wanna annoy me.

GinIsTheAnswer: I'm doing other stuff too.

Sweeney_Slits: Like…?

GinIsTheAnswer: Well… I've got that photo of you and Lucy, scanned it in and I'm Photoshop-ping my head… No wait. NVM. I'm… Reading Sweenett.

Sweeney_Slits: I've a feeling I'm going to regret asking, but what's Sweenett?

GinIsTheAnswer: FanFiction. People writing stories where you and me get PHYSICALLLL!

Sweeney_Slits: BRB gotta vomit.

GinIsTheAnswer: Ok love. Shall I send you a link?

Sweeney_Slits: Back. No thank you.

GinIsTheAnswer: Yay! Y'know, Mr T, your name sounds kinda dirty. Like you're talking 'bout your vagina. Or something.

Sweeney_Slits: Mrs Lovett, I can assure you that I don't have a vagina.

GinIsTheAnswer: You know that. And I know that…

Sweeney_Slits: HOW?!

GinIsTheAnswer: … Umm…But anyway. It sounds weird. I'd change it.

Sweeney_Slits: …Fine, then.

"**Sweeney_Slits" has changed their screen name. "Sweeney_Slits"'s new name is "TheDemonBarber".**

TheDemonBarber: Better?

GinIsTheAnswer: Much.

**GinIsTheAnswer has invited TheDemonBarber to start a video conversation.**

**TheDemonBarber has declined GinIsTheAnswer's invitation to start a video conversation.**

**GinIsTheAnswer has invited TheDemonBarber to start a video conversation.**

**TheDemonBarber has declined GinIsTheAnswer's invitation to start a video conversation.**

**GinIsTheAnswer has invited TheDemonBarber to start a video conversation.**

**TheDemonBarber has declined GinIsTheAnswer's invitation to start a video conversation.**

**GinIsTheAnswer has invited TheDemonBarber to start a video conversation.**

**TheDemonBarber has declined GinIsTheAnswer's invitation to start a video conversation.**

GinIsTheAnswer: WHY?!?!

TheDemonBarber: Because I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!!

GinIsTheAnswer: Oh.

**GinIsTheAnswer has left the chatroom.**

TheDemonBarber: TY GOD!!

**Sexxxy_Turpin has entered the chatroom.**

Sexxxy_Turpin: Ugh… word of advice. Never have cybersex with Bamford. Wanna hear what he was saying to me?

TheDemonBarber: NO!

**BITCHIN_BAMFORD has entered the chatroom.**

BITCHIN_BAMFORD: I'm sorry, my Lord! I thought you'd like that!

Sexxxy_Turpin: You're disgusting. Leave this chatroom. I'll deal with you later.

BITCHIIN_BAMFORD: With the cane?

Sexxxy_Turpin: Would you like that?

BITCHIN_BAMFORD: Yeah!! :P:P:P:P:P!

Sexxxy_Turpin: Then no. Go away now.

BITCHIN_BAMFORD: LLLL Bye all. Sorry Sir.

**BITCHIN_BAMFORD has left the chatroom.**

Sexxxy_Turpin: Creep.

TheDemonBarber: True, but it could be worse… he could've sent an innocent man to Australia…

Sexxxy_Turpin: What??

TheDemonBarber: And raped his wife…

Sexxxy_Turpin: ….?!?!?!?!?!

TheDemonBarber: And PERVED ON HIS DAUGHTER!!!

Sexxxy_Turpin: Umm. Yes. That would've been pretty bad. Well. Better go. Byee!

**Sexxxy_Turpin has left the chatroom.**

TheDemonBarber: Prick.

**LinnetBird82 has entered the chatroom.**

LinnetBird82: Hello. Anyone in?

**StalkerSailorStud has entered the chatroom.**

StalkerSailorStud: Has anyone seen Johanna?

TheDemonBarber: Johanna???????!!!!!!

LinnetBird82: Oh for God's sake. WHAT, Anthony?

StalkerSailorStud: Nothing. I just… miss you.

LinnetBird82: Ugh.

TheDemonBarber: LinnetBird82, your name's Johanna?

LinnetBird82: Yes…

TheDemonBarber: Barker?

LinnetBird82: Oh God! How d'you know that?! Another stalker, damnit! I know I'm hot, but Jesus!

TheDemonBarber: I'm not a stalker, I'm your daddy!

LinnetBird82: ….

TheDemonBarber: Johanna! Yay!!!! I'm your daddy! And we can be a happy family again!

StalkerSailorStud: And I'll be your husband!

**LinnetBird82 has left the chatroom.**

TheDemonBarber: DAMNIT ANTHONY!!!

StalkerSailorStud: I don't like yelling…

TheDemonBarber: It's caps, you idiot, not yelling!!!!!!!

StalkerSailorStud: Whatever. It's threatening behaviour. I'm reporting you for abuse.

TheDemonBarber: Fine. Do what you like. They won't suspend me, I've got a gold membership to the site.

StalkerSailorStud: Oh, how comes you keep rejecting me as a friend on facebook, by the way?

TheDemonBarber: Because you're a creep! Leave me alone! I don't wanna be your friend! And leave Johanna alone, I don't wanna be your father in law either!!

StalkerSailorStud: But she's such a hottie. Just thinking about her gets me so… Hmm. Must go… attend to… something… Bye!

**StalkerSailorStud has left the chatroom.**

TheDemonBarber: Urgh! God I hope he wasn't doing what I think he's doing. Concentrate on Johanna! I'll just have to wait here until she signs back in. Yes.

**TheDemonBarber has been permanently suspended from this chatroom for abusive language towards StalkerSailorStud. **

**There you go loves, R&R pleases. xx**


End file.
